Any strong and mature relationship involves two people having a deep conversation once in a while. It isn’t necessary that you and your significant other have to always talk about the things that are going on in your respective lives. Of course, that’s important and taking an interest in each other’s life is a way of letting your special other feel loved, but sometimes you need to ask questions.
Asking questions seems like such a simple task, but in most common relationships, couple avoids asking questions to one another. This is the primary clue that their relationship isn’t a mature one or even meaningful. People are often afraid or insecure about what the other person may ask them and, hence avoid any kind of relationship-oriented questions. Maybe they don’t trust their special other as much as they should or maybe the fear that they may be judged — either way, a good relationship has no room for judgment or fear. You should be able to ask the important questions to your special other, and they should be sincere enough to answer your questions with complete honesty.
Now at the beginning of every relationship, things are always perfect. Your special other does everything you want them to, and, hence, you really don’t feel the need to ask questions. Everything plays out as you want to or sometimes even better. It’s when your relationship gets past that initial phase that you begin to question every little thing.
Remember if you want your relationship to be a mature and strong one, you need to get rid of some common and rather stupid questions like “aren’t you interested in me anymore?” or “are you cheating on me?” Of course if your special other is a jerk that may be relevant, but in a good relationship, those questions can only sound offensive to your special other. Your questions should be something that helps you to understand him/her better and also to help you understand how they treat your relationship.
Some of the questions that you can ask your special other to make your relationship stronger are –
• What is your idea of intimacy?
Intimacy should be about knowing each other better or respecting each other’s feelings. Not about physical intimacy.
• How do you feel about the amount of time we spend together?
A straightforward question, and keep an open mind when you ask this question. Most importantly respect their answer.
• Would you say that I understand you?
Remember, the key is to keep an open mind. If they say No, that’s a better answer to start working on your relationship.
• What are the things about me that annoys you?
The answer should be honest and serious, not in a funny or sarcastic way
• If you could ask me anything you want and need an honest answer, what would that be?
If you aren’t ready to give an honest and sincere answer, don’t ask this question. But again, a good relationship shouldn’t involve judgment in any form
• What would you say is the biggest strength of our relationship?
This can help you understand how your special other sees your relationship as or what he prioritize in your relationship
• What would you say is the biggest weakness of our relationship?
Same intentions as the previous question
• How often do you need your time alone?
It’s important to respect one another’s space and time. Just because you don’t spend every second together doesn’t mean it’s weak. More than often respecting one another’s space is a sign of a mature relationship
• How important is our relationship to you compared to other things?
If your partner answers this question truthfully, and you two can discuss it in a productive manner, it can really contribute positively to your relationship
• Would you lie just to make me happy?
A good relationship is always built on truthfulness. If your special other is willing to lie just to make you happy, maybe you need to be a little more flexible to discourage them from lying
• Do you consider me as a friend?
There is always a clear distinction between a friend and someone with whom you are in a relationship with. If your special other considers you a friend, they will open up and will be able to share more
• Would you compromise our relationship for your career or success?
A good relationship exceeds any amount of success or someone’s career. If they are willing to compromise their career for a relationship, is that fair? Or if they aren’t willing, does that make them un-committed to the relationship? In actuality, a good relationship will find ways to make it work without making any major compromises
• What have you learned from past relationships?
Yes, it’s not always wise to talk about the past that they don’t want to talk about, but past experiences can tell you a lot of things about them. However, make sure not to go too deep into it
• How do you prefer spending your free time?
As mentioned earlier, if your special other answers this other than wanting to spend time with you, respect their space
• What is/are the things that I consider as a flaw in myself, but you love it?
Many times you try to change something that you feel is a flaw. On the other hand, your special other may be annoyed by that
• What are your expectations from our relationship?
It’s crucial to know where they stand in a relationship. If they don’t have the level of commitment that you have you may be just stressing yourself out.
• How do you think we can balance each other out?
More than often, other than love, two people may prioritize different things. It’s important that you and your partner balance your interest and priorities if you want a good relationship
Keep in mind that you have to keep an open mind and be willing to accept any form of answers from your partner. If you go on asking questions just to hear the positive answers, the conversation will only spark more arguments. You should be ready to be truthful and honest as well and not only expecting that from your partner. Respect their answers and respond positively to encourage them to be honest. A good relationship doesn’t mean that two people are always with each other, it just means that two imperfect people respect’s each other’s feelings and make small compromises for each other’s feelings.