Controlling personality acts as a natural defense mechanism. We can easily see how that works. for example, if your kid stays out for too long at night and has a habit of coming in late, you develop a controlling personality in order to prevent any negative consequences. However, that controlling personality is limited to its specific area and apart from controlling their staying out time, you don’t do the same for every small thing that they do every day. This can be categorized as a “Good Controlling attribute.” But someone who tries to control every aspect of what others do every day makes them a compulsive control freak. This, as you assume is not such a good person to have.
It becomes an annoying and tiring affair to deal with someone who is hell bent on controlling everything that goes around you or the things that you do. It can be in your relationship, friendship or amongst your family as well. Whatever and whoever it may be, the fact is once you get entangled yourself with a controlling person, your life becomes an endless loop of frustration and depression.
The best way to deal with a person that has a controlling personality is to identify its symptoms, and, avoid getting stuck with a controlling person in the first place. Some of the most common characteristics of a controlling personality are as follows –
- Chronic Criticism
Productive criticism is the foundation of any relationship. However, anything other than that is trouble. A controlling person will not show their true controlling nature at once. All that starts with some minor criticisms, and eventually, it grows up from that, and when you realize their controlling nature, it’s too late. Don’t ignore all that little criticisms. A person who truly cares for you will never criticize about you or complain about all the small things. Many people in their initial stages take all that criticism in a positive light, as a way to explain that their partner or friends are doing that to make them a better person, and that’s where they go wrong. Things like complaining about the way you dress or even the way you eat on a regular basis are your hint for confirming the possibility of a controlling personality. Once you get stuck in that type of relationship, it becomes hard to feel accepted and loved since everything you do is questioned and criticized every day.
Moody people have this constant need to point out the smallest of things in order to control others actions. They seem to be unsatisfied with everything around them. It’s like a giant dark cloud is always hovering over their head. Everything about them seems to reek of judgments as if they are silently sitting there and wondering what the hell you’re doing. They may not say much, but their expression just says everything. You feel the need to change your habits or everyday activities just to gain their attention or get the slightest of approval from them. This is a minor detail, and something that most people ignore, but in reality, moodiness is one of the most vital factors that indicate the controlling personality of a person.
- Incapable of any rejection
If a person cannot take NO for an answer, irrespective of what that may be, you know that there is something wrong with the person. In the initial stages, this is something that is tagged as “cute,” but as time passes the incapability to accept any rejection will slowly suffocate you. A healthy friendship or a relationship must be flexible, always agreeing with one another opinions is not possible and, hence, you have a matured conversation and come up with a logical solution. This is never possible with a controlling person. They feel the need to be accepted in every way. This is primarily because they see themselves as being on the good side every time, and the other person on the bad side. Hence, they feel the need to control everything about the other person. In a way by not accepting NO for an answer and forcing you to agree with them makes them feel like they are doing you a favor. Ironic and creepy isn’t it?
- You cannot be yourself around them
Obviously, the whole point of controlling you is to alter your personality or your behaviors in order to meet their ideal personality requirements. If a person constantly objects to your views or opinions and put you down in front of others frequently, it’s clear that they have a controlling personality. The need to demean everything you do or say and having to constantly change your plans or opinions to agree with them is clearly the biggest and the most obvious sign that you need to confirm that they have a controlling personality.
- Threats to harm you or themselves
It is a nightmare to be stuck with someone who can act violently without any logical explanation. They often use threats to harm you or themselves if they become upset over the silliest of things. This is more like a guilty mechanism that they use to control everything you do. In many cases, people get stuck within a toxic and controlling relationship just because of the fear that they may hurt themselves as a result. Other times, it’s just a clear threat to harm you if you don’t do something as they desire. The moment a person show any minor sign of self-destruct or violent nature towards you, just don’t look back and end the friendship/ relationship.
- Creating a debt, you’re obligated to
Don’t be fooled by all the lovely and expensive gifts that they shower on you at initial stages. While many do this just for the sake of showing their care or expressing their love, a controlling person will ultimately use this against you as the relationship progresses. If they bring up the topic of all the things that they have gifted you in return for doing something that benefits them or as a way to let you agree with their views, you’re clearly dealing a controlling person. They use all that as a way to hold something in leverage in order to manipulate your actions.